I was loading up someone else’s trash in an empty house. The garage was damp and dirty. The rainstorm hit hard. It was a last-minute glitch, needing to be done before a real estate closing was delayed.  It wasn’t really my responsibility, but it needed to be done.  The man helping with this unpleasant chore looked at me and said, “You really are a glass-half-full type of person, aren’t you?”  Hmmm.  I guess I am, now.

But that isn’t my natural bent. I can usually see the problem pretty clearly.  I think that one lesson I am learning deeply in the midst of a pandemic and an economic shutdown is that my glass is truly at least half full.

This environment has made me determine to be grateful until I die.

And while I am focused on being positive, and grateful, I am not unaware of the need and pain and unfairness and confusion around me.

I know that there are people who are hungry and unable to provide for their families now, in the midst of a pandemic and economic shutdown.

I know, because I am part of an effort to get healthy, fresh food to undocumented families in our community. We are delivering 250 boxes of fresh produce and 250 boxes of dairy products each week. The families who receive these boxes are so grateful… they prefer fresh to the processed and sugar-full food that the schools send to their kids. They would prefer to be working, but since they are hotel maids and fast-food workers and pork processing factory employees, they do not have current employment. And, since they are undocumented, they do not have access to governmental support systems like food stamps.

No matter the political opinion of whether or not “they” should be here, “they” are here. And they are suffering. Because of their difficulty in receiving quality healthcare due to their economic status and their fear of deportation, have been susceptible to the coronavirus.

I am grateful that I have the means and the physical strength to join with others in supplying a small portion of their needs.

I know that there are people who are suffering from isolation, depression, and hopelessness in the midst of a pandemic and economic shutdown. 

I know this because I talk to people and I email with people and, while not prone to depression myself, I have family members and relatives who are prone to view the world sadly. I understand that no amount of will power or rah-rah positivity can change a person’s despair. I know people who have learned to manage their darkness but I understand that it can be a daily challenge. 

At times my own lack of despair weighs on me.  I don’t deserve the ease I currently have.  I do deeply value it. And my desire is to be an encourager while recognizing that too much positivity is not always easily received by others.

 I know that there is no way to know facts and truth of the current pandemic and economic shutdown.

I try to keep up on the latest news, local, national, and international. I am curious and enjoy sleuthing a bit around a topic I am interested in. I like to know the truth about the world I live in.  In fact, I have “truth” tattooed on my right arm! But, the truth of the current environment is that it is impossible to discern fact from conjecture from outright lies. Our American society is polarized. It seems almost everyone has a political agenda. While we all have access to the same rhetoric, we pick and choose who we will believe, based on little beyond what we want to believe to be true. It is exhausting.  I find it to be very disappointing at times when I read or hear ill-informed opinions touted as fact by people I have considered to be intelligent and thoughtful.

My only solution is to limit my time on social media and to remember that it is better to be kind than right.

I know that even my own glass-full approach to life is at risk in the midst of a pandemic and economic shutdown.

I have a lovely home in the country where I am comfortable and safe. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 47^th anniversary and we are as happy together as we have ever been. I have a business in real estate that continues to be successful, even as other small businesses have struggled or closed. Our immediate family has, so far, managed to stay healthy. I enjoy puttering in the kitchen to make dishes that are enjoyable and satisfying so we don’t miss eating out. The only possible thing for me to complain about is having to leave our cozy home to go and make money selling real estate, so obviously, I have no real reason to complain about anything at all.

Yet, I recognize that I must set aside time to be still and to be alone and to let myself be aware. Otherwise, I might lose my ability to remain grateful.

 A conversation with our daughter-in-law who is on the front lines of pediatric patients with post-COVID inflammatory syndrome required some quiet contemplation. 

Hearing that our undocumented friends fear that their families back in their country may die of starvation more than fearing the virus caused me to pause.

Being made aware of overt examples of racism and becoming more aware of my own implicit (and explicit) biases (not only, or even mostly, in regard to race), observing the anger and frustration of citizens near and far, reading about and watching demonstrations and gatherings, knowing the challenges of our kids who have full-time, essential jobs and school-aged children who need to be educated… These all require that I sit and think and pray and at least find empathy. Or, maybe find a way to relieve someone else’s burden a bit.

After living through several phases of development, a myriad of life experiences, and a whole slew of personal challenges, disappointments, and difficulties, I have settled into being grateful, not entitled; being empathetic, not callously opinionated; being thoughtful, not quick to assume; being kind, not always right.

Life does not seem to be getting any easier as I approach age 70. But, life never has been easy, so I am intentionally and determinedly staying grateful on purpose.  I’ll do what I can to keep seeing my glass as half full.