Who’s in your posse? Should they be?

Posse: a group of people who have a common characteristic, occupation, or purpose.

Who you spend your time with. Looking back over the past six weeks, think about it. Did you enjoy the people you were around? Did you leave interactions feeling energized and encouraged? Were there some people or events you especially looked forward to? Did your posse, the group of people that you find yourself spending time with, give you energy or drain you?

It is easy to get caught up in “should’s” and “have to’s”. If you found yourself dreading some people or situations, it might be a good time to consider your investment in relationships. Life is too short to spend it with people who pull you down.

Here are some thoughts about relationships in our years past age sixty.

1. Minimize time with people who make you angry, sad, or negative.

Life is too short to spend it with people you don’t enjoy, who sap you of energy, and who are toxic, whether intentionally or not. There are people who are legitimately going through difficult times and need encouragement. That’s not what I am talking about. I’m talking about the chronically negative, cynical, critical people who you know you cannot please, no matter what you do.

If you must be around people (family?) who mess with your psyche, go to their home… don’t invite them to yours. That way, you can leave when you see that you are feeling negative. You can be pleasant and even supportive, but you don’t have to sacrifice your own joy.

2. Consider who adds to your life in positive ways.

It is easy to just get caught up in whatever is expected. But who we spend time with influences us. An oft repeated Jim Rohn quote is, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”

Be intentional about how you invest your time. If there are certain friends that allow easy conversation and exchange of ideas, make it a point to find a way to spend some time together. If there are others who stress you out, consider that and begin to invest less time with them. Think about the woman you want to be and make sure your closest companions are helping you become all of that woman.

A few years ago, I took that thought to heart. I determined that I wanted to be better, to do more. I looked around to see that most of my close friends were much more inclined to be satisfied with life as it was rather than wanting to keep growing and improving. So, I made new friends. I looked for women who were succeeding and who were changing, growing. Women who were leaders in various ways. And, I pursued a few of them. Several are good friends now. I still have the other relationships, I just don’t spend as much, or most of, my time with them.

3. Try some new friends.

Even if you aren’t trying to change your personal “average” from the idea above, new relationships open up new opportunities. Look around for someone new, or follow up with someone you met over the holidays that you’d like to get to know better.

It’s not about finding a new best friend. It’s about staying alert and open minded. Keeping familiar friends is important, but people move away, change jobs, have family issues and/or illnesses. If you aren’t open to new people, then you might find that you have fewer sources of good energy connections.

If your new acquaintances should not be in your “posse,” be alert and recognize it early. Don’t continue to invest just because it is new. Follow your gut. Take care of yourself.

Life is too short to spend it with people who pull you down.

4. Think about ways you would like to grow.

“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” Charlie “Tremendous” Jones.

I believe this. I’m a reader. I love a good story and have a list of books waiting for me as soon as I finish the one I am reading. I try to choose books that can contribute to me as a person. Knowing more about history, understanding other cultures, vicariously experiencing adventures of others keeps me sharp.

Books and people. It takes more effort to meet new people than it does to read a book. But both are crucial if I want to keep growing as a person. It takes some courage, at times, but it is almost always worth it.

If you want to keep growing, the people you spend time with and the books you read will ensure that you keep going forward… if you are intentional about both.

Right now is a good time to look at your relationships and see if they are all contributing to your well-being and joy. Take some time and consider the people in your posse, that you spend the most time with, and be sure you are choosing the best for yourself.

How have you been intentional with your relationships? How do you minimize the effects of the negative people in your life? Where do you find new friends?

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

This post was previously featured at www.sixtyandme.com