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New Tools

The DiSC method of understanding is potentially powerful tool.  While there are all sorts of online assessments that will give a basic reading of a person’s behavior style, and plenty of fat personnel files in HR offices, I still prefer to have at least an hour-and-a-half and a paper version to take people through a bit of practical personal discovery.

The paper version I use is self-scoring and has several built-in ways to validate the information.  It is not threatening and can actually be a lot of fun, with people who are open to understanding themselves and are willing to be understood.

 

Understanding Your Wiring – invest in knowing yourself better so that
you can be intentional with your life choices.

 

My goal, when I take a person or a group through a DiSC workshop, is to fill each person’s personal, relational toolbox with new tools.

Here are a few:

  • Understand that you are wired a certain way and you will function best within that style.

    For example, a young woman came up to me at the end of a presentation and began by saying, “I don’t usually seek speakers out…”. Then, she went on to tell me that all her life, she has been told that she always has to be right, as if that were a weakness.  “Now,” she said, “I realize that I am simply wired to be thinking ahead of others and that it is a strength, not a weakness.”

  • Understanding your style can help you identify energy sources and drains.

    When my husband was a pastor, we finally realized that extended people-intense times drained him.  When we moved to the country and he had space and quiet in nature to re-energize, he overcame a long struggle with depression. In an opposite way, there are types who recover with socializing…..hence happy hours, I suspect.

  • Knowing that other people have unique styles, possibly different than my own, gives understanding and a lot of freedom.

    No wonder some people love a meeting and others dread it. No wonder some people actually like to research facts and others prefer to fly by the seat of their pants. No wonder shopping is fun for some and like pulling fingernails off to others. We are wired with different strengths and preferences.

  • Embracing my own preferential pace and focus helps me find my sweet spot for success.

    An “S” needs peace and a predictable environment. An “I” wants interaction and celebration. A “C” has to have quiet and wants to have their work validated. A “D” thrives with independence and a challenge. Just knowing that I shouldn’t expect to enjoy, much less be productive in random environments, allows me to create my own space for better results.

 

Quality tools make your relationships, your work, and running in your strengths easier.

 

The Platinum Rule

It has been said that understanding DiSC is learning to practice the Platinum Rule.  If the Golden Rule is to “treat others as you would be treated,” the Platinum Rule is “treat others as THEY would like to be treated.”  Ahhh.  Slight (yet, big) difference.

Early in our marriage, I threw my husband (High C and High D–not so much energized by people) a surprise party with a lot of people attending.  He thought we were going to our friends’ for a 4 person dinner.  When we walked in and there were 20 or so people there, his first thought was, “How will we get rid of all these people so we can eat?”  We had to tell him that everyone was there to celebrate his birthday and he still had a hard time loosening up and believing the fact that some people actually might enjoy this sort of thing.

I have never done that again.

The-Platinum-Rule-fortune-cookie

We do tend to think that others will enjoy what we enjoy.  So, when we are thinking of doing something nice for someone else, our initial thoughts will be to do for them what we would enjoy.  If I would enjoy a party, won’t everyone else?  If I only enjoy one or two people at a time, doesn’t everyone?  If my way of dealing with stress is to clam up and put my nose to the grindstone, isn’t that what others want me to encourage them to do? If I am most effective when processing while I talk, won’t others be happy to listen to my musings?

Assuming that the high “S” project manager wants to be interviewed on camera because her high “I/D” boss would love it, does not make it accurate.  Assuming that a high “I” will love researching the best route because their high “C” partner wishes they had the time, may not tap into strengths.  Giving an I, who is in charge of the annual picnic, a strict budget to follow on their own may not have the best outcome.  Expecting a “D/C”, task-oriented birthday man to think 3 hours of conversation and games is a good way to spend an evening just might not result in the most appreciative attitude.

Learning my own DiSC pattern and how that affects my choices of behavior is crucial to my success.

Learning the preferred behavior and motivation of the people I live and work with is the key to successful relationships.

Without conscious attention to differences, it is easy to assume others are just like me.  But, sameness would be boring, if we are honest.  The variety in our relationships is what gives success and breadth and growth and enjoyment… IF we recognize and value the differences. When we recognize and value the differences we can treat others as they would like to be treated.

 

Learn more about the DiSC Personal Profile System and Understanding Your Wiring HERE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

photo credit: Alick Boych Friiends Of Mine via photopin (license)

Forgive

forgive

 

If you are alive and breathing, someone has done something that requires your forgiveness. Someone has offended you. Someone has wronged you. Someone has stepped on you or over you or around you on their way to a place you thought you were going with them. Someone has devalued you by their actions or words.

And, now, you are living with the memory of that (or those) wrongs and offensives.

Sometimes, a relationship is strong enough that reconciliation is possible. Sometimes, hearts are pure enough that repentance happens. Sometimes, those events are the result of addiction and amends are made. Sometimes, life-change comes and clarity allows for frank discussion.

But, not always. Maybe, not often.

You don’t have to live with dark clouds hanging over you. Someone else’s inability to consider others is not a limit on your own life. Just because someone else has offended you doesn’t mean that you have to live with resentment or anger or self-doubt or lack of confidence.

You can forgive.

Forgiveness requires only one person. One person who decides they will not live with resentment, but rather, choose a clear conscience and a clear heart. One person who will choose to say, “What that person did hurt me……but I will not hold it against them.” One person who can look beyond the “now” of keeping score and look to the future of moving forward without barriers.

Forgiveness is not saying, “It doesn’t matter.”

It does matter. It does hurt. It does have consequences. BUT, you can let it go. You can allow the other person to have their own journey….without your participation. And without your resentment.

Reconciliation requires more than one person. At least two people need to converse and confess and concur for reconciliation.

Forgiveness, though, only requires one person. One person who will have the conversation with themselves that can end the inner turmoil and move forward.

One person who can muster up the courage to say, “I forgive.”

 

 

 

 

 

You Spot it, You Got It Mantra

you spot it, you got it

You Spot It, You Got It

I have “ThirdThird Mantras.”  Words to live by. Lessons learned. Guidelines for designing my BEST ThirdThird.

An important manta for me is “You Spot It, You Got It.”

It goes like this…..I meet someone and they begin to explain to me that (or treat me like) they know more about our topic than I do. Without ever clarifying my interest or experience. Assuming that I know nothing.  It is very annoying to me.  A “pet peeve,” in fact.

But guess what? I realize that I can be just like that if I am not intentionally caring about others. I can jump in and run on and slash and burn with the best/worst of them if unchecked. It takes thought and care and practice for me to genuinely care to hear other people’s thoughts and experiences and concerns.

“You Spot It, You Got It” is a gentle reminder that being critical of someone else is often shining a spot light on a personal area of need.

I remember clearly from my childhood an instance when I was critical of a friend’s approach toward another person. My mother pointed out to me that, quite often, what you notice as a deficit in others is probably a deficit in yourself.

Ouch. I remember at the time reacting to that, confidently stating that I didn’t have the annoying character defect I noticed in my friend. Of course, privately in my own thoughts later, I could clearly see that my mother was right.

It is a principle that I have not been able to forget. I have passed it on to others and have used it for my own efforts at living life on purpose, letting my occasional 20/20 insight into others’ lives be mirrored back to benefit my own growth.

As an example, lateness is an irritating habit in other people that I have to constantly monitor in my own life. I can be highly offended when others are late to meet me, but effectively justify my own tardiness.  Unless I am remembering this gem from my childhood. You Spot It, You Got It.

How to use this life mantra

This is a good mantra to get into your head.

If you have a friend who is a constant complainer and you can’t help but notice, there is a good chance you are a complainer.

If you easily spot the person who demands to be the center of attention, you might be, just a little bit, wishing you were more noticed.

If you are frustrated with people who make assumptions without facts, guess what?  Check your own facts.

When there is a habit or behavior that you quickly pick up on and react to in others, chances are it is a quality that you, yourself, are demonstrating to others.

“You Spot It, You Got It” is a useful tool.  When you are annoyed with someone, stop and think about it.

Does “someone” use social media when you are in a conversation and it annoys you?  You might check to see how often you find yourself checking your phone during meetings or at dinner. It is often easier to spot the truth in others than it is in ourselves.

The “You Spot It, You Got It” mantra might be a slightly painful tool to use initially, but it can become fun.  It is certain to be instructive for your efforts at designing your BEST ThirdThird.

It took me a while when my mother pointed it out to me long ago, but it is a lesson I learned early and for some reason, it has stuck with me.

photo credit: amseaman Binocular Boy via photopin (license)