Energy Drain

Understanding where your energy comes from and
where it goes is key to living life well.

Do you know what drains you? It is a first step in managing your own energy.

The DiSC is a personal assessment tool we can use to understand the way we are wired. We are each a combination of D and I and S and C. Understanding these basic 4 types of behavior styles is the first, really great step in understanding your own personal wiring.


For D’s and C’s, too much time with people contact is a drain. D’s are fast paced and can manage people and time well, as long as it is attached to getting something done.  Just to “hang out” or be entirely social can be a drain. C’s generally are drained by any type of prolonged people contact. Meetings, parties, shopping, chatting…..all deplete a C.

I’s and S’s are drained by having to focus too much on the task. Sitting and staring at a computer, in an office while everyone else is at lunch, working on a project alone can be a sap on energy for those that are people-oriented.

We can’t always avoid the energy drains,
so we have to know how to replenish our energy.


For I’s and S’s, energy comes from interaction with others. I’s like a party. They like groups and action and noise and fun. They get energy from being in a crowd and interacting. S’s like connecting, one-on-one and with some depth. They value serious conversation and true friendship.

For D’s and C’s, energy comes from a task. D’s like to start things and to solve problems. They like competitive games that move fast and then end. C’s like research and detailed plans. They like computer games that require concentration and knowledge and that can be played alone.

With some simple tracking and awareness, you can identify your draining times and activities. Once you’ve identified what is zapping your energy, you can limit your exposure to those sources and, more importantly, be intentional and schedule time for replenishing activities that give you life.






The Platinum Rule

It has been said that understanding DiSC is learning to practice the Platinum Rule.  If the Golden Rule is to “treat others as you would be treated,” the Platinum Rule is “treat others as THEY would like to be treated.”  Ahhh.  Slight (yet, big) difference.

Early in our marriage, I threw my husband (High C and High D–not so much energized by people) a surprise party with a lot of people attending.  He thought we were going to our friends’ for a 4 person dinner.  When we walked in and there were 20 or so people there, his first thought was, “How will we get rid of all these people so we can eat?”  We had to tell him that everyone was there to celebrate his birthday and he still had a hard time loosening up and believing the fact that some people actually might enjoy this sort of thing.

I have never done that again.


We do tend to think that others will enjoy what we enjoy.  So, when we are thinking of doing something nice for someone else, our initial thoughts will be to do for them what we would enjoy.  If I would enjoy a party, won’t everyone else?  If I only enjoy one or two people at a time, doesn’t everyone?  If my way of dealing with stress is to clam up and put my nose to the grindstone, isn’t that what others want me to encourage them to do? If I am most effective when processing while I talk, won’t others be happy to listen to my musings?

Assuming that the high “S” project manager wants to be interviewed on camera because her high “I/D” boss would love it, does not make it accurate.  Assuming that a high “I” will love researching the best route because their high “C” partner wishes they had the time, may not tap into strengths.  Giving an I, who is in charge of the annual picnic, a strict budget to follow on their own may not have the best outcome.  Expecting a “D/C”, task-oriented birthday man to think 3 hours of conversation and games is a good way to spend an evening just might not result in the most appreciative attitude.

Learning my own DiSC pattern and how that affects my choices of behavior is crucial to my success.

Learning the preferred behavior and motivation of the people I live and work with is the key to successful relationships.

Without conscious attention to differences, it is easy to assume others are just like me.  But, sameness would be boring, if we are honest.  The variety in our relationships is what gives success and breadth and growth and enjoyment… IF we recognize and value the differences. When we recognize and value the differences we can treat others as they would like to be treated.


Learn more about the DiSC Personal Profile System and Understanding Your Wiring HERE.







photo credit: Alick Boych Friiends Of Mine via photopin (license)

Objective & Subjective



Designing our best ThirdThird requires that we be able to merge objective information and subjective information.

Subjective information like….

  • What gives me joy?
  • Who do I like to be around?
  • When am I most satisfied?
  • How do I like to be treated?

Objective information like….

  • How have I been successful in the past?
  • When have I been able to accomplish my goals?
  • Who has been there for me?
  • What is my skill set?


The DiSC Personality Profile allows me to connect the dots on both subjective and objective information I have about myself, to allow me to design my life for the greatest satisfaction and joy.

Personally, I know about myself that I …..

Am not afraid of hard tasks,

Need to be learning new things,

Function best with some, but not strict, order,

Have stories to share that will inspire others,

Love to make people laugh.

DiSC explanations make me realize why these are true about me…

I enjoy a challenge, 

I bore easily, 

I’m wired to like to sort and organize, 

Meaningful interaction energizes me, 

Adding to others’ lives makes me smile.


You can learn a lot about yourself and be designing your own BEST ThirdThird now, no matter what your age, with our Understanding Your Wiring DiSC program.








Benefits of the DiSC


I am constantly reminded of how helpful…in life-changing ways….the DiSC material has been to me.

  1. It changed (saved?) my marriage.
  2.  It gave me insight into my kids’ wiring to reduce stress and improve relationships.
  3. It gives me reason to be patient with some who are different from me.
  4. It makes me know why I “click” with some people.
  5. It makes me know why I am drained of emotional energy and how to recharge.
  6. It gives me a way to invest in others around me in concreate and lasting ways.

Invest in knowing yourself better so that
you can be intentional with your life choices.

DiSC is one of the most life-changing pieces of information I have ever encountered.

We are extending our offer for Understanding Your Wiring just for you!

If you need to be reminded of WHY this would benefit you… here are five good reasons to invest in yourself!


And, for an introduction to the insights, there is a free quiz at… right on the home page!


You are worth it! Make the investment. 




Straight and Sturdy and Strong

sturdy and strong

My husband and I happened to be in a house recently that was next door to one we lived in long ago.  It brought back a lot of memories and we smiled a lot while remembering our lives and our family at that place, that stage of our journey.

We remembered a lot of work there, too.

We are always remodeling, upgrading, adding to homes, it seems.  Once, I counted 17 different addresses we’ve had in our 43+ years of marriage and in each, we left our mark of added rooms, new roofs, refinished floors, etc., etc.

At this particular past address, Dave noticed the fence he had built 30 years ago. He designed it and erected it by hand with his carpenter/friend. Six feet tall, made of wood, handsome lattice at the top, it is still straight and sturdy and strong.

No warping.

No sagging.

No leaning.

I think back to my life there in that home and realize that home is where I started building my strong life, digging a deep foundation for where I am now…making my BEST ThirdThird.

We were living there when I learned about wiring and started studying and sharing the life-changing information that comes from understanding self and others in terms of DiSC behavior styles.

It was there that I decided I would no longer be insecure.

There I learned there were certain volunteer efforts that I should say no to because I wasn’t all that good at them and others could do them better.

In that home, I learned to be grateful and to appreciate the moment.

Now, I stand straight and sturdy and strong….just like the fence Dave built.

Weathered a bit.

Needing a fresh coat of paint occasionally.

Showing age if you look closely.

But, standing straight and sturdy and strong.

With gratefulness and purpose.



photo credit: Nanagyei Droplets – HFF via photopin (license)

Mix It Up: D & S

We all are a mix of the four styles.  No style is bad.  No mix is bad.

Each of us the potential to be GREAT.

The more we understand ourselves and the inherent preferences we have for behavior, the more successful we will be, the less stressed we will be AND, as we learn to manage our strengths (so as not to use them in excess), there is a confidence and strength that comes.

An “S” and “D” mix is one of the less uncommon patterns. The D is task-oriented and fast-paced while the S is people-oriented and slow-paced.

This is really a great mix, because the “S” really doesn’t want to be in charge and is happy to have the “D” make the decisions and set the pace……as long as the “D” is considerate and inclusive (which is not always the most natural approach of a “D”).  The “S” will be supportive and helpful and a loyal friend/employee/partner in a respectful environment.

A “D” loves to be in charge and is usually a “big picture” person who wants to get something started and to do something and to see results.  The “S” is happy to be a worker bee, getting the tasks done and facilitating the “D’s” goals……as long as there in no conflict and as long as any changes are approached cautiously, with ample communication, and with time to adjust.

A “D/S” person is a great Executive Assistant.  (I personally know two of them!).  They exist to make someone else successful.  They love to coordinate and to cover the bases for their boss.  They make their bosses look better than they really are, at times….and these two that I know are appreciated by their bosses and rewarded well.

Whether the DS is two people or the personal wiring of an individual, it is potentially a smooth and successful combination. Respect and communication have to be part of the working together relationship. If that is there, all will be well.

There is power and freedom in knowing yourself well.

Mix it up: 2 Other D/I Mixes

When I wrote about the high “D” with high “I”, I was talking about very high in both.  It is a  very strong (and thankfully, rare) pattern and one to be managed strategically.  There are other combinations of “D” and “I” that are less focused on controlling, but are equally valuable and strong.

A “D” is always going to have some drive and the need to “do something.”  An “I” is always going to have a need for interaction and communication.  Depending on whether the “D” or “I” is the strongest or the most influential in the mix, here are some differences.

A higher “I” with lower “d” influence might be enthusiastic and trusting, friendly and open.  They are great sellers in that they can “close” or bring a person to a point of decision.  They won’t really be concerned about offending someone if what they are selling is truly in the best interest of the purchaser (in the eyes of the I/d–) and will make the deal happen.

This mix of “I” and “d” has great ability to express themselves, they like gadgets and things that make them look like they are in the “know,” and they are usually poised and confident.  They might occasionally oversell or be accused of being more optimistic than realistic, but overall, they will be a great team member and will produce impressive results.  Just don’t ask them to sit at a desk or to manage people who require kid-glove handling. Do let them know the desired results because they will need to be reminded to balance enthusiasm with realistic deadlines and outcomes.

A higher “D” with less “i” might be diligent and independent, quick to pick up on an idea or concept and quick to move.  They tend to have a strength of presence about them that exudes confidence.  They are persistent and maybe even tenacious.  They can be counted on and will enjoy a challenge that will make them better and show (themselves) that they can do more.

This mix of “D” and “i” enjoys competition and can rally the troops to get headed in the same direction–whether or not they are actually in charge.  In tight situations, they may overstep their bounds and they can become critical or want to “do it themselves” if the situation becomes tense.  There is a fear in this person that they might be taken advantage of and as a result, it might seem they are isolating.  Truth is….that “I” in there makes them care, more than they might like to admit, what others think of them.

We are all a mixture.  Understanding ourselves, first, and others, later, can lead to much confidence and success.

Mix it up: D & I

Mix it up is to remind us that, “We all are a mix of the four styles.  No style is bad.  No mix is bad.”

Whatever our mix is, or whatever the mixes we are living with or near, understanding, curiosity, and a desire to get along is required to be effective.  The task-oriented C and D need to learn to value the people-oriented S and I.  The slower-paced S’s and C’s need to recognize that the fast paced D’s and I’s can’t be expected to wait forever.  It is a dance that is ever going and worth the effort.


There are some mixes, though, that require extra patience and conversation and self-awareness to be effective.  The strong mix of D & I in an individual is powerful…for good or for bad, depending on their motivations.

A person with an equal mix of “high” D and “high” I has clear goals and plans for themselves and others…..but they don’t always verbalize those goals.  They can tell you where they want you to end up, but only after they have won your loyalty (you S’s, especially).   They can be charming or directive or intimidating, depending on their audience and the importance of the goal.  And when all else fails, they just might consider offering rewards if that is what is required for them to accomplish their end goal.

The D/I is very good at getting people to do what they want… hence my warning to those I coach with this pattern… they need to monitor their motives.  There are historical examples of this behavior style mix that used it for others’ demise.  And others who used it for great good.  Manipulation and motivation are sometimes hard to tell apart….where a person’s heart is tells the difference.

This pattern can tend to be very egocentric without others who can help them see their potential… for their own success or failure. The D/I really does prefer to win through persuasion and cooperation.  Coercion and bribing are only used when necessary. 🙂

This high D/I mix is not the most common.  That, I believe, is evidence of a benevolent Creator.  We need a few of them……but not too many!

Mix it Up: I&C

We all are a mix of the four styles.  No style is bad.  No mix is bad.

Each of us the potential to be GREAT.

The more we understand ourselves and the inherent preferences we have for behavior, the more successful we will be, the less stressed we will be AND, as we learn to manage our strengths (so as not to use them in excess), there is a confidence and strength that comes.


An I and C mix is a complicated pattern, but with wonderfully creative potential.  The conflict occurs when the Fast-Paced I collides with the Slow-Paced C.  AND when the Task-Oriented C conflicts with the People-Oriented I.

Imagine putting your high I friend who loves a party and is always shopping (and might be LOUD) together with your highly sensitive, detail-oriented, computer programmer friend and asking them to plan an alumni reunion!

Well, the person who lives with IC inside of them has that same challenging conversation and potential discord in themselves, daily, moment-by-moment.  They are usually very trendy in their dress and might be a little “out there” in a creative sense.  They know details and when they choose their area of expertise, they do it with “flair.”

A coaching client of mine was a successful, professional, middle-aged man. When we came to discussing the results of his Personal Profile System, I described the inner conflict of his I and C.  He wept.  Truly.  Cried and said, “You just described my daily inner battle and now I know I am not crazy.”

There is power and freedom in knowing yourself well.

Mix it Up / S & I

We all are a mix of the four styles.  No style is bad.  No mix is bad.

Each of us the potential to be GREAT.

The more we understand ourselves and the inherent preferences we have for behavior, the more successful we will be, the less stressed we will be AND, as we learn to manage our strengths (so as not to use them in excess), there is a confidence and strength that comes along.

An “I” and “S” mix is not an unusual pattern in individuals.    The S is People-oriented and slow-paced while the I is people-oriented and fast-paced. I’s and S’s get along well in social situation because they both enjoy and are energized by relationships. It is a good mix in the workplace, too, since the S tends to quietly do what makes the whole team look good.

This is, obviously, a fun mix.  Both S’s and I’s like people.  Maybe the S enjoys depth and content and understanding more than the I, who likes fun and connections and conversations.  But they are both energized by relationships and are caring, helpful people.

A “I/S” person is a great friend and, depending on their position, a great employee…as long as they can interact with clients and peers, has interaction with others as part of their job, and, most definitely, as long as they can avoid conflict.    They will get along with most, working to be sure everyone is included and happy. A workplace with no I’s or S’s will suffer from their absence. Just don’t expect them to solve the problems or address the problem people.  

The combination of S and I in an individual has some variability, depending on which is the more influencing of the two styles.  A higher S with lower I, might bring empathy, kindness, tolerance, and support for all to the environment.  While a higher I  with lower S might be more outgoing, interested in appearances, broader in their network, and is the energizer of the group.

An S will care about the outcome….will support and harmonize.  The I will be aware of the “feel” and will care about the ambiance and enjoyment of all while on the way to the outcome.

There is power and freedom in knowing yourself well.